Wisdom from Life Experiences

Conscience & Clarity

The mundane back alleys of our minds. Boggled down with the unnecessary noise of decisions. A vicious cycle of mind throbbing issues we are forced to face. How do we find clarity in the complexed traffic of our minds and day to day circumstances ?

As much as there’s no easy step by step formula I can dish out to you on an instant, this is what I fall back on every time. You do need to consciously practice this on the daily in order to get better at it.

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Clearing Your Conscience As A Practice

  1. Build the foundation of your Integrity through Kind Intentions

I ain’t no Angel if you ask me. Everyone is at some form of demon within themselves. To overcome this is like telling yourself to not be human. Fortunately, there is a trick to this.

-Do everything with the intention to serve others, this will encourage you to bring out the altruistic side of you and with time, it will come naturally.

-Place yourself in a position where if you are the person who needs some form of help and you just wished someone could help you willingly and unconditionally (you could be that person for someone)

-Release yourself from the wanting of getting something in return (this will clear your conscience and you’ll automatically attract likeness, which is kindness given back to you)

– Find out ways on how you could build a real relationship with the person or people you’re helping. This will groom your conscience to recognise facades and falseness. This will happen once you’ve learned to build solid and valuable relationships with people.

2. Do Your Very Best To Be Honest Or Not to Lie On The Small Things

We all lie, let’s face a fact. It’s an undeniable standing that has become normality. And why do we do it? We do it because we fear hurting others in big ways or small. Given a chance, we never want to confront or acknowledge a pain, especially so when it involves other people’s feelings. So what are some of the small white lies we tell?

We lie that we can’t make it for a meeting or event, we lie about our whereabouts after school, we dodge ugly confrontational calls or experiences because of the mess the after math will produce. We do. We all do. Let’s not kid ourselves.

A few short years ago, a wise man who was so much younger than me I must add, taught me something simple but true.

It hurt but it was what’s real.

He showed me that A) you can be truthful about the small and simple things and it’s not hard to do, and B) you don’t have to reveal all the unnecessary ugliness of the truth (very subjective I feel). I guess this was his way to avoid embarrassment.

So I learned, a very valuable lesson there. From that day, I did my best to be as forward as I could, in a very structured and courteous way. As far as possible.

And guess what? It worked. It cleared off my conscience of feeling guilty of the little things, like why I couldn’t attend what I might not have wanted to attend in the first place. Or whatever it was that I was trying to avoid conflict or disappointing others with.

That, really swept a lot out of me. I was basically doing a spring cleaning of my littlest thoughts and deeds. “Pick up, for baggage claim?” I was dumping it out of my system.

Well, at least I can safely say I’m 99% honest and I leave that 1% for “depending on situation” scenarios. Sometimes you do need to practice a certain amount of discretion.

Clarity Comes With Dealing With Accepting The Now or What IS

In 2015, I metaphorically “jumped off a plane”, knowing that it’ll be a hard-ass landing. But as long as I knew I had on a parachute, I had no fear of the hard impact. The adrenalin just kept me going and wanting to know what’s beyond the unthinkable reality. Plain and simple, I went into a relationship that I knew I’ll be a victim of in the end.

Was it worth all the pain of the hard hit? Well, I’d be lying if I said the experience wasn’t memorable or good. It was a great Indian summer, so to speak, and memories of risky jumps into the falls and venturing terrifying strenuous climbs ahead, was worth every minute.

I took a risk, and maybe I won’t be so careless with my heart in the future. But to experience it, was golden.

Sadist? Maybe. Yes, in that area sometimes, so I won’t recommend you take a leap, knowing that you’ll get hurt but man was that a painful and sweet rush.

So the after-math of the matter became certain. I was maybe addicted to unrequited love.
And I allowed myself to feel the realities of major disappointment and betrayal. And it finally clicked. This hit was the hardest I’ve ever experienced. I almost lost my job , my hearing, my sight (I was crying for days on end basically).

I was placed in a difficult and inevitable position. My then boyfriend, left me for the girl he was suppose to marry. He had falsely led me to believe that he was a single man with no commitments. He performed one of the greatest lies I’ve ever heard. It devastated me to the rails. I felt like Jupiter had crashed upon my head and a thousand thundering hooves were galloping fiercely towards me. I wouldn’t really say my World was shattered, it just gave my mind a sudden hard jolt of electricity that it woke my senses like ER.

I saw the destruction arranged on my plate and now I’d have to sit there and eat the BS he’s dishing out. So I did. Piecing every lie he was relaying out to me and connecting the dots.

Elegantly and quietly crying my life out, I accepted this reality. I knew I had to clear my conscience for the better of my own future. So I gave him a choice. A one time only ultimatum. And though I knew what was to come (if it’s not obvious already) , I served it back to him poetically putting the ball back into his court. He made his final decision and that was it.

I walked away from it as simply and subtly as I walked into his life. Cos I knew that years from now, I won’t have any form of regrets. And my future partner will be free of my conscience. I never looked back since and I learned so much from that experience. I have to thank him for that. It just means that he was my teacher of some sort. A hard final lesson about Love.

I was clear on what had happened to me and I was certain of what I had to do.

I overcame it with flying colours. I had found my clarity.

That was my last hurrah.

If not for that experience, I would’ve never truly learned about what Love really means. The essence of what it is.

I decided to love myself truly and unapologetically. And that changed my whole Universe.

I finally got it.

So do yourself a favor. Clear your conscience and gain the clarity that you’ve been looking for. By accepting your reality and knowing what action needs to be taken, you take action by all means.

For the sake of your own peace of mind.

-LM

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