Inspired by a post of a fellow writer – Words by WildFlower, I’ve decided to draw up this article. It discusses about it being okay to delete and restart your life again/ or anything for that matter. In her case, it was her blog.
So I started thinking to myself, what an apt timing that this article reached me.
I am at the very cross roads of my life and threading each facet of happiness I have left is crucial to the fabric of my future.
So let me ask you this, do you sit up at night wondering where did your life take a wrong turn ? Do you question your past decisions ? Are you reanalyzing your life path again after the umpteenth time arguing about the same old thing and reliving past nightmares ?
“How did we even reach this point? “, I asked myself.
The point of no future. A dead end.
Since I was a little girl, I’d always ask questions. I’d sit by the window at night at age 6, and have little conversations with God.
Why was I born here ? What is my purpose ? I had profoundly deep thoughts about my existence and besides the obvious reason on why God created us, I’d ask why I am special and different from the rest.
I’d even ask things about death and afterlife. The pursuit of understanding my path was an ever on going Q & A. It was a requirement for me to find out more about this bigger than life dream that could possibly manifest into reality.
I was constantly experiencing and experimenting. Questioning and exploring. And that might have landed me into some life issues that I had to deal with.
Personally, I’ve gone through many wars and I usually survive them but sometimes I feel like my only purpose is to fight wars. Maybe I am still not getting this whole Love disposition.
I sit here writing to you from a place of confusion and clarity. It’s ironic I know, but there’s a reason for everything.
There was a moment I faced a couple of months ago. A moment of A-Ha. The light bulb was off and suddenly something switched it back on again. And it’s strange cos I never knew that my light was even off. How shocked was I to find out that it had been off for the longest time.
I had doubts before. Many even. I did a very incomplete pros and cons list and man was I wrong.
I was contemplating on whether I should do what I feel is right or what I feel I should give a chance to explore and understand before I knock it.
So I chose the second path obviously. A path of exploration and understanding. Cos I love giving people and things a chance. To see how well it can go and if it doesn’t, we can always move on and learn from it.
After much overseeing the whole picture and working on the nitty gritty of what it is and what it could be, I was some what sure.
I was happy and at peace and that was all that mattered to me.
I had to compare it to the hell I crawled out of previously. And where I was at that time, was a really good place.
Wealth was coming in, life was simple and stress free again and the little fairies of day to day life was busy at work to ensure all was in proper systematic processing.
Then it started. The beginning of the end.
The Truth had finally revealed itself and I was not liking what I saw, heard or felt.
After many pep talks and discussions, arguing and analyzing, I saw the light dimming as days go by. I saw the slow demise of a beautiful thing.
Is it true ? Do all good things come to an end, eventually…?
I know that bad things come to an end too most times. And that’s a better side of the coin to see from, frankly.
I did what I had to do. I sat down, I paid attention to what’s important and discussed and warned again and again. I said. “Don’t push me to the edge of no return cos if that day comes, I would have no more love to give you.”
It’s sad I know but it was something that needed to be clearly said. And I didn’t sugar coat it in any way.
So I shut down. I was at a junction of not knowing what to do next but so sure of what life I really wanted. You see the dilemma? It’s an irony that I can’t figure out. And until I do, I’m going to take my own advice when it comes to deciding and making the next move.
1) Fully understand what you truly feel. Give it 3 months. Absorb it. Cos other factors might have clouded your perspectives and judgement. What you feel might be from an adrenaline rush , a spur of excitement, a momentary relapse, a sudden revelation or it could have just been influenced by the emotions of your insecurities. We need to make sure, it is what it is. After the 3 months is up, revisit where you are at again. Have you looked at it objectively ? Is it bringing you pain or joy? Does it expand your life or take away from it ?
2) Give it one last Hurrah. Do all you can to give your best and be your best. Push it right to the edge of the unchartered and unexplored. Until you’ve exhausted all resources for a much better resolution, there’s no stopping you from doing the best you can for that last few months till finally you call it quits.
3) Say Something. Find the right time to get down and dirty into the ugly details on why this has to end. Be open and honest. Talk about it and discuss on how and why this happened.
Once you’ve done the due diligence, only then make a clear and precise decision on what steps should be taken and what should happen next.
Always keep in mind, that there’s always something to learn from our experiences.
The difference it makes on us is, if we understood and applied what we learned.
At the end of the day, it is truly Your Life to lead. You are responsible for your own Happiness. Not others.
So don’t waste your life away, by being with the wrong person or the wrong job, or forcing yourself to live a day to day that you just can’t stand. A mindless repetition of white noise that brings you no joy and no contentment.
Imagine a life free from worry and unnecessary stress. It is possible you guys.
You have to believe in it. Don’t fear the difficult. Be brave. Walk into the Darkness because it’s Light on the other side.
I pray that the year ahead will bring many more joys and adventures for you. Work through your issues and find resolutions. Be patient to see how it all turns out. Give yourself some time to collect your thoughts and make well informed decisions.
It will all turn out for the best in the end. Just find a common ground with others and have strength and Faith to live through any trials you may have to face. You will survive this.
2019 will be so awesome for you guys, we just know it.
On behalf of the family at The Simple Life Club, make 2019 a year of New Beginnings and Wealth! God bless and go ahead and live a life you truly Love.