Social media and other people’s standards have seized our attention and hijacked our mindsets about self worth. We subscribe to endless streams of information that screams out for your 30 second pause. It’s a competition out there, especially when we see all the “picture perfect” photos of everyone else’s. The era of the celeb and model infested magazine covers have passed its mark to influence. It has very little affect now in our society. The impacts of low self-esteem, lack of confidence and the undervaluing of one’s self is now closer to home more than ever. Mommy Influencers, Fashionistas and Travel junkies decorate our screens with the portrayal of really high standards of living and showcasing the “perfect lifestyle”.
Who are they?
They’re your best friends, your next door neighbour, your primary school classmate who you haven’t spoken to in ages, the girl you hated in high school, your exes, the wife of your exes, a third level acquaintance , someone you met once at a social event, your cousin’s boyfriend, your former room-mate , your ex colleague, your office buddy and your childhood friend. These are the people who influence us now. Only because they’re the closest . We know them, we see them from day to day, we used to hang out with them and we communicate from time-to-time because we’re supporting local businesses and much more.
But the ramifications of a broken society doesn’t fall on them, the fault lies in what we understand from what we perceive and how do we consume them?
What is self worth to you? What does that even mean? Do you value yourself?
Now there’s more to that than what we think. Time plays a very important factor on how much we value ourselves (by doing self care) and so does the excuses we give . Like when was the last time you took some time to attend to your needs. Or was proud of your own achievements? Pamper yourself, taken a “Me Time” in the middle of the day or for a short one weekend? Have you ever truly accepted a compliment and not feel bad about it? Have you allowed someone to think less of you or accepted disrespect ? Do you feel a lack in your life by measure of your achievements because you keep wondering how come your life isn’t like this and like that (the people around you)?
What did you say then? ” I don’t have time, I have kids.” ” I can’t just take off.” ” I’m too afraid my partner is not into the idea of me spending time alone” ” I’m not that good.” ” I could’ve done better” ” I guess some people are lucky and some aren’t” ” It’s just a bad deck of cards that I’ve been dealt”
Do you see the issue? If you don’t learn how to receive and to appreciate your self worth, you’re always going to be in constant doubt. You’ll always see the “what ifs” in a bad light, not the positive. You’ll compare yourself with other people’s lives and live by other people’s standards or the standards of the competitive society.
Self Worth Checklist:
1. How do you feel about yourself when you wake up in the morning? Mood check.
The mood you get into comes from the belief of what kind of day it’s going to be for you. Are you neutral? Do you feel awful all the time? Are you usually cranky? If you can’t escape circumstance, then change the mood you’re in. Be aware of its presence and release the inhibitions into the air. Imagine blowing it into a bubble and letting it float away (learned that from a friend of mine). Meditate. Give yourself a minute before you take in the messes of the World. I personally wake up an hour before I actually need to wake up to get ready for work just so that I can take time for myself.
Yes, it means maybe a lack of some sleep but it’ll give me the luxury to enjoy a simple breakfast, get a cappuccino into my system and watch one episode of F.r.i.e.n.d.s, my daily dose of laughter. I do this routine so that my body and my mind is not in shock and distress when I start my day. I’m usually a happy monkey by the time I get to work in the morning.
This is self care. You owe it to yourself to feel good, happy and at ease.
2. Do you feel bad when people compliment you? Receive and be grateful.
You need to be able to take a compliment when you get one. I mean don’t get me wrong, I get the whole humble pie thing, cos I do that too in how I answer people but I’ve grown a lot along the way and I don’t feel bad about it anymore. Maybe it’s age, I don’t know, but these days I’ve learned to take a spoonful of sunshine and bask in the light with some humility of course. I wouldn’t want people to mistake me for a douche. Arrogance and entitlement is not what we’re rooting for here. You need to know the difference. Don’t be afraid to accept the love you’re receiving. It’s not vanity. It’s positive vibes. So absorb it.
3. Do you feel undeserving most times ? Worthy of all things good.
I know how you must feel, like why You? You keep doubting this reality and sometimes reject great things that are happening. You push good relationships away, you turn down opportunities because you feel you’re not that special to be given all these things in your life. You fear that someday all this will be taken away. Stop this whole altruistic thing you’ve got going on. It’s not the place or the right way of doing it.
Well, here’s some news. You ARE worthy. If you believe in a God, then you must know that you’re worthy of God’s love. Which means, you’re worthy of anyone’s love. Especially the good kind (not the obsessive kind ok). Which also means that no one can sabotage YOU except for you, yourself and uh You. Sabotaging yourself is stupid. So stop doing that.
Stop it. Good things come and you’re deserving.
4. Do you need permission or the reassurance from another person? Confidence and Trust.
Trust yourself. This is key to confidence. Trust your instincts, your capabilities, your talent and your competence level. Skill up if you have to, go learn and upgrade. Hang out with more positive people, people who lift you up. People who learn and grow with you. You don’t need to always depend on a second opinion, especially when choosing a fat free latte to a donut. Be sure of yourself. Force this assurance onto yourself. You owe it to your bad ass alter ego. Yes, we all do have that bad ass alter ego just waiting to level you up and take the limelight. Imagine a truly confident person, maybe someone you admire or aspire to be. What good traits do they have? Is it doable? Can you use that template to redesign yourself?
Now imagine that that person who you look up to is You. Your cooler clone is letting you know that it’s actually You talking the talk and walking the walk. So trust it. Trust Trust Trust. You’ve got what it takes.
5. Do you compare your achievements and lifestyle with others? Net worth and self worth.
Your net worth does not equal to your self worth. If you want the luxury you see, you do the work and go get it. People don’t become successful overnight, it takes years. Lots of work is put into it, dedication, determination and resilience. Stop mopping around and moan and groan about it. Stop being sad when you see how “lucky” someone is or how great that that happened to them. How they’re travelling all the time, how “rich” they are or what an awesome career they have.
You don’t know their true story. The blood, sweat and tears. The bankruptcy, the fines and jail time, the loans and running away. The embarrassing relatives, feuds. The nights of arguing about the same thing, family affairs and psychological issues. All this drama is not what they want potential sponsors and the public to see. Everyone has their own dark secrets, back stories and low times. It isn’t the same as yours and so is your own success story. So stop comparing stories cos yours is definitely different. Stop comparing lives with other people. We all have imperfections, flaws and sins. Everyone has this. You can’t escape or lie that you don’t. It’s humanly impossible. Focus on yourself and don’t get distracted.
There’s lots more we can ask ourselves when we talk about self worth. True in depth introspection can involve what you’ve seen and copied from your past experiences. Up-bringing and traumatic events also affect how you value yourself. Negative self talk also contributes to a negative mindset. Delete the bad and upload the good from now on. You have a choice to change this script.
Create yourself. Be the architect of your life. Design, redesign and rebrand You. Write down a list of the lifestyle that you’d like and be specific on what and how you’re going to get there. Plan a route to this image of your dream life. You can manifest it. But you can’t just think and pray about it. You’ve got to do the actual work and overtime. Talk to people, find out how, research, look at all your resources available. Build. Slowly build. You’re guaranteed to get there. You can’t give up.
Look at yourself in the mirror and say ” Hey you, I’m gonna rock your World.”
Have a great weekend ahead you guys and Happy Vesak Day to those celebrating!
Love well and live better.